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    1/30/2008

    潜伏期

    最近脑子里总是冒出这样一个画面,像电影的镜头:冬天,一姑娘,长发的,围着围巾,坐在出租车的后排,眼神注视着车窗外,窗外的景物就这样不停的倒退着。看上去人是静止的,车是静止的,只有窗外的事物是迅速移动的。一直相信这个世界上有种可以控制所有东西的东西,某些时刻我还感觉我跟它靠的很近很近。这种真的是没办法解释的,也许若干年后就有人把它当门学问来研究了,证明我是牛×的。

    还是动不动会心情紧张起来,急躁起来。人都是不会承认自己有病的,好比一男的累的半死不活,气极败坏,还打老婆,就是不承认自己不行。没这种道理的啊,我还是比较能看清问题的根结,自己的缺点和优点同等清楚。一帮“鬼”聚在一起吃夜宵、喝酒,真的喝不下了,我会直接说真的不行啦,可是没一个“鬼”信的,你说悲哀嘛?!真-的-不行啊!某人说我是东想西想想太多了,这个承认,但是自己感觉怎么扯也扯不上这个原因啊。我是有理想,有抱负,对未来充满憧憬的大好青年,对生活没有失去信心,对社会没有去抱怨,怎么会这样呢?如果谁说通我,我肯定请他/她吃顿好的,绝对不是出版大楼食堂。

    话归正题,潜伏期最初是对一种传染病的认识。前一个潜伏期,到我毕业前结束。征询N个人的意见,最后做出的决定让基本上是N个人不能理解,需要的不是那个形式或者什么,关键是让我结束了那个潜伏期。现在也不知道自己是不是又进入了一个潜伏期,因为只有到将来的某一刻,突然发病时才明白真的是潜伏期,然后发现某人在路灯下猛抽烟,或者播我的歌陪着人们流泪,在四十岁后听歌的男人会是?

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